Zubispeak’s of the World ( epilog)

July 9, 2008

When I started to write this blog several months ago, I had stated that I am on the quest to find the answers to the questions Who & Why ?

I found them and along a way I meet a few ” Zubispeaks” like me.

And that’s all I ever wanted.

I will keep the explanation for myself, but as always I’ll give you a hint…:

Yesterday I got the Economic stimulus payment check from the government in the mail.

It made me want to puke, it made me sick .

I will tell you people, what it is. First they steal the money from the producers like me and others entrepreneurs under the threat of taking our biz. away otherwise and then, when everything goes to hell, they want to bribe us to make it work.

Well, I tell you, I don’t want it ! It is probably partially money coming from some of you my fellow warriors out there, but I did not sent it back to them, they would waste it on some “needy” useless project.

I contributed it to one of the local Animals Shelters.

Because of the actions of us humans, animals are those who are needy, not the humans.

I am writing  final post of this blog. I had said everything I wanted to say……

This is end of this blog, but rest assured, Not the end of THE ZUBISPEAK

Now, I have a railroad to build and steel to pour, I may appear somewhere else one day…..

Who Knows ?

GODSPEED

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Numbers Matters

June 13, 2008

Let me make one thing very clear here. I will be talking about placing the numbers on your business tax returns, not about making it up!!!

Numbers do not lie, only people working with them sometimes do. In my world, whatever you do, YOU DO NOT COOK THE NUMBERS !!

However, if you planning financing for your business, before you prepare the most recent biz. tax return, think about the kind of financing you will be trying to get, because the way you place your first net income profit in many years will have an impact on the type of the financing you will have the best chance to get.

The post is about a numbers so here goes an example..:

You put your own $ 100,000.00 into your business during the first 3 years. Treat it like loan from shareholder.

Now, in 3rd. year you finally have $ 50,000.00 net income profit.

The question is, Who do you want to impress? Private investors or the bank underwriters ?

Investors are generally smart and know how to read tax returns. You don’t want to place the first profit on return as a net income gain, you just pay yourself portion of your own loan to the business back and save money on taxes. If you approach me as a potentional investor in your business and explain to me what’s the deal with that, I will understand and I will think O.K, this guy is smart, profitable and know how to play the game. Here is your check right ? Right.

Underwriters in the regular banks ( not the biz. oriented) on the other hand, are generally morons and have no clue how to read the tax returns. So if you planning to go with traditional bank financing, you may want to file the profit in different spot. Forget about paying yourself the loan back, sacrifice a few thousand dollars to Uncle Sam and show the profit as a net income gain. ( In this case business still owes the original amount to you).

I must say, that if you approach me with this return, I will think you are an Idiot, but rest assured, the Underwriters will love you to “death.”

There is always next year and you can start paying the loan back to you then, while you have the bank financing secured, and to think of it, if you explain to me, what you did and for what purpose, I will understand too !!

After all, I don’t work in the bank underwriting department, and I know a little bit about numbers.

So again, Numbers Matters, the way you work with them matters, as long as they are The true, The whole true and nothing but the true numbers !   

  

 


Organized Chaos

June 4, 2008

A series of a random ( so we think) events and thoughts, ideas and visions happening in relatively short period of time for no other reason, than, you have been inspired…

Inspired by something or someone ( in my case both), of which a while ago you had no clue you are even capable of dealing with.

I took the challenge last night and early this morning to take out of my “secret” folder all my notes and pamflets I started writing considering my own business ventures, ideas and plans how it is to be done, every since I had decide to move forward in the way I see my own entrepreneurship. I wanted to read it from the very beginning and see if I can create The Mona Lisa picture from a pieces of puzzles, which left alone look more like The Shrek.

It was a challenge not for the reason of too many materials to read, but because in the light of a new ideas I currently have, my ego was afraid ( shame on me..lol), that I’ll be disappointed, bored and not interested anymore.

Place it on my desk and started to read it by the dates on the bottom of each page. It was a Chaos, thoughts I had at the beginning being interupted by other ones, just to comeback a few weeks later, extending and evolving the thought I had before the previous of the previous thought. Even now, my writing looks chaotic, but that’s only on the surface.

When I finished my first round of reading, I had started to place the individual pages into a sentence, not by the date, but by the merit of each idea ( regarding of what has been done, what’s in the doing stage and what’s coming) and I see, that however not really “Mona Lisa”, pretty nice picture is beginning to develope.

I still don’t have “the eyes” painted yet, but having an idea ( one of a few to come), how they should look like.

It is still a Chaos ( as all true entrepreneurship is), but more and more methodically organized. Sometimes it makes perfect sense and sometimes does not.

But that’s the beauty of it. When you write your next idea down, you can ( and should) read it and reorganize it again !

Believe me, it is a wonderful and very useful excersise…..    


“Uncle Sam”, No surprise !

June 1, 2008

 

I am tempted, for a while now, to write an article about the government latest Joke, that is the “welfare check”, they sending to us in order to jump start the Economy ( which has been stalled ironically by their own actions). Had not written it sooner, because been thinking real hard how to start it politely and not to offend the bunch of idiots running the affairs on behalf “The People”.

For the purpose of this piece, by government, I mean not only the politicians, but also the Central Bank, the banking industry officials and other wannabe’s experts, all of them leaderlessly running in the chaos, caused by their ignorance and/or arrogance.

I think, I came up with a polite start, which nobody could sue me over.

Here it goes..:

” You bunch of Morons, you got it all wrong ( no surprise here). We, the rare breed of entrepreneurs, Don’t want to be fed free lunch ( in a form of stinking soup), we want to have a license to Hunt, to Grow, to Raise our meals…!!” I say stick the lates joke back to your ass and give me the right to access and buy the ammunition. I said buy, not to get for free…

I can see myself walking in the Central Bank money auction room, dressed in Columbo style, faded, wrinkled gray overcoat, with unlighted cigar in my mounth and two big guys on my side, in a black suits, each carrying a big, empty suitcase. We sit way back in the corner of the room and observe the auctioneer, offering a different amount of money to various banks and theirs officials, to make a bid for the interest rate on.

I would probably have a lot of fun by listening to the arguments of all those Citigroups, Wells Fargos & others, why they can not take it for more than 2,3,4,5 % and how hard it is to make a return on it. Of course it is, especially because they know only two ways how to use it. Either give it away, or sit on it. In any case, by some weird mechanism, they always get it “backwords”. In the time, they should carefully consider every loan, because of amounts skyrocketing, they were giving it away. In the time, when entrepreneurs need it, to light the fire to cook the meals for everybody to buy, they restricting the access to it.

But back to the Auction.

I would observe the “crying” for a while and at the point of getting “sick” of it, I would whisper to the ears of my two guys my orders and they would approach the Auctioneer telling him this.:

” Fill up the suitcases, our “boss” is offering 15 % and he is taking it all..”

Then we would walk out of the room and while lightning the cigar in my mouth, one of my boys will take down the “No Smoking” sign of the government room door, because every rule written by the Man, can be overwritten by another one!!!!

P.S. This post is imaginary expression and the smart readers will see the point in it.

The ones who don’t, good for you, and have a fun in standing in the line for the next load of the free & stinking government meal !!

   

   


How to get their attention and not end up Dead

May 6, 2008

  Yes my friends, I mean dead, but it’s used as an expression and the attention most of you lunatics want to get from, is The Venture Capitalist Gangsters. I used that picture on purpose and all of you, who count on VCs’ money as the only thing missing in getting your business on the road, may as well write the name of your business on that little, cute tag, hanging of the feet of that corpse. 

Put it this way..: If you approach me and ask me to invest in one particular product especially if it is technology related, I would not give you a dime, unless I know, that you are able to turn on spot, forget about that thing and move on, without any regards as to abandoning your original dream.

Let me explain.

 When I see you are so focused on one thing and so pitiful and foolish in thinking, that this is the only right stuff, which will “save the world”, you are unintentionally telling me, that in case some 12 years old teenager, waking up the next morning after his first experience with Whiskey comes up with better technology, this would not surprise me at all this days, well you are telling me that because of some 12 years old genius on the other side of the Globe, all my money will end up in Toilet.

One thing you need to understand.

 I, the Al Capone, the gangster, who you are asking to help you to achieve your dream..Personaly, I don’t give shit about your dream, I just want you to make me a money, alot of it and for that reason, I am not going to invest in the horse ( the product), if I will invest at all, then I will invest in The Jockey ( you) and when circumstances shows, that your horse probably not going to win the race, I want to be sure, that you are able and ready to jump on another horse, provided by whomever,you let your horse die with no remorse and you’ll  finish and win the race. After all, I don’t care, I just want to get the trophy.

So my fellow dreamers, Do You Finally Get It ???? 

In order to get my attention and not feel like a piece of dirt after you leave the table, you have to make me believe, that you are the best Jockey there is, because I am pretty sure, I can find you another horse, in case yours foolish, idiotic and crazy dream horse turns up to be a looser. Capiche ??

That’s what my take would be if I was one of the Gangsters..( I am not saying, that I am not..LOL)    


“Importance” of a Business Plan

April 19, 2008

Let’s talk a little bit about a topic, which most smart asses, calling themself consultants in the business financing field will push you to hire them and of course pay alot of money for it and that is, the importance of a detail business plan in regarding to obtain any type of funding from a bank. See the garbage above? That is exactly the place, where all the money you had spend on a firm supposedly preparing your detail business plan will go at the end of the application process. Even if you prepare detail business plan yourself, spend a lot of time thinking how you’ll be doing this & that, researching the market place and focusing too much on the current conditions of it, write a lot info and figures down and think, that this is the most important stuff for you to do in order to get the funds, let me say it very politely. You are just wasting your time and unless you are very well known writter, nobody is going to read it anyway. Let me explain : The position of a Business Banker as a person taking it one client at a time, paying attention to your particular needs and actually caring about your business as something important for him, hmm..how do I say it, so everybody understand.. Well, these kind of people working in the banks Does Not Exist !!!!

On my recent journey, I had found some institutions actually really wanting to know something about my business, but these were financial companies strictly focused on small business financing, not a banks. Position of a business banker in any bank here, is replaced by a college draduate, punching your SS # into the computer system and if your FICO does not meet the banks’ matrix criteria, you can be talking about your great business and the excellent season you had, the hundreds of thousands of revenues, whole day long, Nobody is going to listen for a simple reason. Nobody, whom you will be talking in the bank about it, will have any idea, what you are talking about.

1st: Get your personal credit straight, if it is too much damaged, get somebody with a good one on Your Ship..

2nd: Get your business credit straight, you don’t need a partner for that, there are actually some firms offering that service and surprisingly, I need to say, some of them works…

3th : Most importantly, what ever your idea of business is, Don’t name it like : ” Uncle Joes’ Steak house” or “Jimmys’ used car sales”….Anything consumer related is a Red Flag for all the banks right now, so name yourself something like : ” Dream Vision”LLC, or “Paradise Entreprises, inc.”  and if by any chance some moron, taking your application for biz. line of credit asks you, what is your business about, just tell him : “I have firm, providing variety services, for variety clients..”, it will be confusing enough to put those guys back where they are coming from anyway..: To The Computer Matrix

The Matrix does not care about Ideas, it cares about numbers, so get your number straight, personal & business and you’ll beat the system.

That is the good news, what’s not so good for some, is the fact, that get all the numbers in working order, sometimes requires “business plan” for itself, but this kind of plan, I suggest, you are thinking really hard about when you want to get the funds and ultimately have the chance to put in use the plan, what everybody say it is important for a start up, that is The Business Plan.  

 

 

 

 


The Beauty & The Ugliness of the “system”

April 17, 2008

Those few, who are patiently reading all my posts here, can probably feel the way I see the system of small business banking and financing and how it was driving me “nuts”. To those, who like my controversy and even some “anarchism” in my topics regarding this issue I must say upfront, that the days, when I wanted to rent a bulldozer and run it straight through the bank building, because it was full of ignorants, morons and others, not knowing anything about practical business, are most likely over. The picture of a Spanish Lady Anarchist, during the Spanish civil war, is my way of saying good bye to the “dynamite” and welcome to the brain & fun.

Don’t get me wrong, I still think the current system is not working as it should, but to burn the building down, does not sound fun for me anymore, much more fun is, to figure out the way to walk in the bank and even though you don’t have the education required to get a job there, you found a way how to eventually get all the banks’ money, or  buy the whole establishement out and at the end, to be told “thank you” for it. 

I can’t say exactly what was the very defining moment to make the change in my head, but suddenly, I woke up one morning and I felt jolly like a house fly on a piece of 3 days old hot dog at the bottom of forgotten trash can somewhere in the corner of my abandoned home. For all those entrepreneurs and small business owners struggling to make the step to the next level, or even to survive through the current pile of bills, I am just like you, plus I don’t really know much about the business stuff, I am involved in and what I will be involved tomorrow, or next week, but I can tell you this…

There is always a way to get inside that building, if not through the door, then through the window. If not through the window, then through the chimney. And leave the Hope to those standing in line for welfare check. You gotta have a Faith in yourself and in The Lord, because he will help you, if you are willing to help your-self. When you feel your “858th” unsuccessful attempt as a failure, then I suggest you go and apply for a job in Walmart, you don’t have the right attitude, but if you see it as “858th” way how not to do it and all you have to find, is the One right way, then you are my kind of person and I know, you will make it..  

Anyway, enough of preaching, I will feed you my ideas slowly and one piece at a time, for today just three basic takes:

1st.: Think like a thief to catch a thief..

2nd: Think like a banker to outsmart the Banker

3rd: Think like an investor to attract the investors

Because I want you to realize one thing. Your dream is not for sale, what you sell, when you need a capital, is The OPPORTUNITY hidden in it…

Stay tuned..